How to Practice Empathy

If your brain is constantly going, it’s hard to stop and see and feel what is happening around you in the workplace or at home. Often, when things get busy and you get stressed, you can forget to pay attention to your own feelings, let alone the feelings of others.

Part of this is that people work way too many hours. Why is that? Because being busy and having a “loud” brain can drown out your true feelings—that your families, friends, and life outside of work are more important than your job.

The more you apply your emotional intelligence in your interactions at work, the more sensitive you will become to the other person’s feelings. You can learn to listen to what they say and what they don’t say.

So, every day, stop and take time to breathe deeply. Take a walk at lunch or after work to clear your head. Quiet time helps you figure out what you think and feel. Taking a few deep breaths will also help close down your racing brain. Many find that time spent in meditation, prayer, or self-reflection helps develop a quieter, more sensitive, and aware brain.

Fully Watch as Well as Listen

Listening isn’t just hearing words but seeking to understand the other person’s emotions. Watching is also critical to building your ability to empathize with others. Body language and other nonverbal communication can often tell you more about what people think and feel than their words can. Become a close observer.

To practice empathy in the workplace, you need to observe your coworkers, managers, and direct reports to help you understand their feelings. When you all work in the same place, that is easy.

You can tell that Jane is going through a rough time because she’s walking around hunched over and keeping to herself. She normally walks straight and says hi to everyone she passes. You can tell that Steve is on cloud nine because he’s practically skipping down the hall.

But how do you practice empathy in the workplace if everyone is working from home or your team is spread out across several sites? This often happens in a hybrid company or a remote workplace. You need empathy towards the people at your site and the people you may see irregularly.

Video conferencing instead of teleconferencing can help you watch and listen to your colleagues. Some people resist the idea of video conferencing because they don’t feel comfortable on camera. That’s understandable, but overcoming the discomfort can help everyone understand each other better. You can see how your colleagues or family members are doing

Your tone of voice is also critical. Speaking directly with your team instead of communicating almost exclusively by email, text, Slack, or other messaging services can help you build empathy. This is because you understand what your coworkers think and feel—or at least you understand their feelings better.

Ask Yourself What You Are Feeling

You might consider keeping an emotional inventory for a few weeks. Sit down several times a day and chart your activity, the day and time, and the emotion you are feeling.

When you stop and think, “How am I feeling right after I got a new, huge assignment?” and the answer is “excited and overwhelmed,” you can apply that to others around you.

“Jane just got the new project that will take up every waking moment for six months. She must feel overwhelmed with all the work, and she might be excited if she thinks this will help her towards a promotion.”

When you know that you’ll feel overwhelmed by a new challenge, you can make a good guess that another person is feeling overwhelmed in the same situation. This emotional inventory approach can help increase your skill if you have difficulty evaluating your feelings.

As you become more adept at understanding your own feelings, you’ll become better at understanding the feelings of the people around you.

Remember that not everyone experiences the same feelings about the same issues as you do, so act on this information carefully.

Test Your Instinct to Become Empathetic

You need to take care by testing your instinct—but do start. Remember the earlier example of Jane receiving a new, labor-intensive project. You’ve examined your feelings after getting a similar assignment, and you felt overwhelmed and excited about it. You want to test whether Jane is feeling the same way. Consider the following:

• Why do you need to know how he or she is feeling? If it’s just nosiness, forget it. But, if you work near Jane, have insights into her project, and are already good friends, checking in with her will help you support her.
• What will you do with this knowledge? If it’s just a fist pump of “Hey, I am totally nailing this empathy thing,” it’s silly. But knowing is important if you want to do the right thing for Jane.
• If you’re wrong, finding out early can help you support her, too. After all, you may see this project as a stepping stone, but Jane may see it as a burden keeping her from accomplishing her real goals.

With these things in mind, you can approach Jane, “Wow, Jane, I just heard you got the new Acme project. That’s huge. I would feel overwhelmed by that but also excited about the growth opportunities. How are you feeling?”

Note that you are not saying, “Wow. You must be simultaneously excited and overwhelmed!” You are telling her your feelings and waiting for her to tell you hers. She may or may not feel like sharing, and she may or may not know exactly how she is feeling.

Regardless of her answer, you are there to support your coworker. If she responds that she is excited and overwhelmed, congratulate her on her next step up the career ladder and offer her any help that you can give.

If she says, “Nah, I did a project almost exactly like this at my last job. This will be a piece of cake,” then say, “No wonder you were chosen for this project, Jane. Your past experience sounds incredibly relevant. Perhaps we can look together and see if we can learn anything from your previous project that can inform our approach here.”

If she bursts into tears and says, “This is the wrong direction for my career. It will take too much time away from my family.” Or, if she actually sees it as a punishment for her bad sales figures last quarter, you have to exhibit empathy and stick around to talk with her.

You can’t push people to open up about their feelings and run when they do. That behavior makes for a less pleasant, empathetic workplace.

The Bottom Line

When you know how to practice empathy in the workplace, you can better understand your coworkers. This means that you can function better as a team. And that’s great for any business.